Just call me MAD

When I was first divorced my children’s Father was involved in their lives.  They had a positive relationship but, all that ended when their Father met his second wife.  Their relationship with their Father slowly deteriorated until there was nothing left.  About seven years ago, they stopped spending time with him at all.  It was their decision and I can’t say I wasn’t happy about it because, having them come home crying after each visit and telling horror stories about how they were treated broke my heart in a way I never thought possible.  Their Father did nothing to repair their relationships, even with my urging and guidance.  It was easier for him in his home life not to have a relationship with them.  Deciding to pick another person over his own children is something I will never understand.  To this day he lives a life without the worry, interaction, love, or relationship with his own children.  It’s as if he never had children.  All is left up to me.

So, now I am put in the position of being not one person to my children, but two.  I had to be Mom and Dad.  I had to raise two young people completely on my own.  There is no manual on how to be a Mom, you just have to learn that alone the way.  Now, I had to figure out how to be a Dad, too.  Things went well until those adolescent years crept up on me.  My son was the oldest so, the first to enter adolescence.  I will not go into detail but, boy did he challenge me!  At every turn I was dealing with something new in addition to dealing with the simple difficulty of single parenthood.  I relentlessly worked hard to guide him into a better direction than the one he was going.  I think the key was to somehow make him feel like it was his idea to make better decisions.  His sister was helpful in that she is a take charge person and sometimes acted older than him and would call him out on his bad behavior.  He valued her opinion so, it did help.  During that time I searched and searched for someone to mentor him…sadly,no one was interested so, I was left on my own.  We got through that time and he is now a great kid.  He is on the deans list at college and a hard worker.  He is the kind of son any parent would be proud of.

My daughter is now 15.  She is the easier one, in that, her love for education keeps her driven.  The worst thing I get from her is a scowl or an eye roll when I as a simple question like, “how was your day”?  I can live with that and I know it is just a phase…..I remember not wanting to talk to ANYONE in my family when I was her age so I cut her slack.

I am not going to say any of this was easy.  I have had many sleepless nights and enough worry for 5 lifetimes but, I tried to keep my head on straight as much as I could and be Mom and Dad.  I am thankful for things like youtube because when my son began to grow facial hair I had literally no idea how to help him….thanks to youtube he looks handsome and fashionable…..I can’t imagine the results if I was the one to teach him!

At one point my daughter started calling me MAD….not because I was angry or because I was acting insane but, because I was both Mom and Dad to her….she recognized that all on her own.

Having to be two people does have its downside especially with dating…..there’s just no time.  I had to do the work of two people and not a lot of men understand that, which is fine with me because my children were literally afraid that I would find someone, get married, and he would be mean to them like their Step-mother.  In a way, I didn’t date much because they had been through enough.  I didn’t want to cause them any more stress than they had already been through.  It is a sacrifice I will never regret.   We had this beautiful three person family where they felt safe and loved.  It worked for us.

I am so proud of the people my Children have become.  I love every second I am with them.  I love talking to the about their goals and their plans for their future.  I will never stop being there for them.  They will never be alone…even after I am long gone….I will be in their hearts…in the kindness they possess….in the love they give to others….in the strength they have to get through the hard times…..I will be there.

Yes, I am crying….sometimes love makes you cry…..it’s as if my heart has grown so filled with love for them that it has tripled in size and is squeezing the tears out of my eyes..it’s a good kind of crying.

I never imagined I could love anyone as much as I love my children.