If Only

One day, a little over a year ago I decided to help out at work and stay for a partial double shift.  I left work at 10pm and it was a weekday so there was little traffic.  Once I get off the highway, it is roughly a 5 mile drive on regular roads that eventually turn into winding country roads.

As I drove, I noticed that I was the only car on the road.  Suddenly, an ambulance was coming up behind me.  I pulled over and noted that, the only time this particular ambulance comes into our area, is when something is really bad.  They are armed with amazing paramedics who are also firefighters.  I remember wondering why on earth were they passing me, the only car on the road, with lights and horns blaring because they generally don’t use their sirens and horns unless it is daytime, as to not wake up all the residents.

They passed me and turned up towards my house so, the Mother in me panicked a little because my kids were home alone.  I drove home and found my kids safe and sound.  My daughter sleeping and my son waiting for me so we could talk…he loves talking to me.  I just couldn’t shake the feeling of unease at the odd behavior of that ambulance.

The next morning I found out why.  A young man had been shot and killed around the corner from my house.  Things like that don’t happen where I live.  When later in the day they identified him, I was stunned. I knew him.  When I was married he was in our group of friends.  I had not seen him in 10 years because his life took a wrong path,  He got into drugs and alcohol and eventually served a small amount of time in jail.  That was not the Greg I knew.  The Greg I knew was into cooking and had a constant smile on is face.  The Greg I knew loved his Mom with abandon, and made no secret of it.

My ex-husband called me and told me the details.  Greg had probably gotten drunk and then got his hands on a gun.  His step-father ran from the home and called the police from a neighbors home.  The police came and Greg was outside waving the gun around.  The police shot him in the chest three times…the ambulance was unnecessary.

My ex-husband had seen Greg shortly before this incident.  They talked a little and Greg told him he was living at home and getting his life together.  He never mentioned is Mom.  I later found out that Greg’s Mom had died literally a few hours before the police killed him.  She had cancer, and knowing Greg the way I did, he probably felt like he lost everything that day.  I wish every day that is was me who ran into Greg instead of My ex-husband.  If he ran into me, the first thing he would have done was told me about his Mother.  We would have exchanged numbers and made plans to get together.  I would have hugged im and let him know he was not alone.  I honestly don’t think if it was me who bumped into him he would have died.  I carry that with me.

I moved recently.  Now, if I go outside to get my mail, I can look over and see the exact place where he died.  I can see that his step-father recently sold the car Greg loved so much.  It is a constant reminder of how if things went slightly differently,  I might be sitting here with Greg drinking a cup of coffee.  I would have been a friend to him that he could count on.  I would be a friend who knew how much his Mother meant to him.  If only he ran into me that day.  Sometimes I hate the way life works.