Someone Just Called Me a Nazi

I am an American.  My great grandparents came here from Germany, Austria, Ireland and England.  I watch with horror the racism that occurs in my country.  Racism is nothing new in this country but, it seems that no amount of education seems to make much of a difference.  Everyone seems to have a target of their ignorance.  If it isn’t racism based on ethnicity or religion, then it is hatred targeted towards members of the LGBT community.  Everyone seems to feel the need to hate, mistreat, or do worse to someone.  Just the other day, I was telling Harsh Reality that I was routinely called a Nazi while growing up because of my German ethnicity.  Well, things haven’t changed much because someone on Facebook called me a Nazi last night when I asked him to take down a picture of me without my permission he had posted with a derogatory comment about women.  I didn’t know this man and I have no idea how he got my picture (with my name on it) but, apparently he was using the picture to illustrate how much he hated blonde women because his ex-wife was blonde.  Somehow, he thought using my picture was a great idea even though he didn’t know me.  I asked him nice to take it down the first time and he became belligerent and called me a Nazi…..something I take great offense to.  It was a double wammy…he was degrading me because I was a woman and then went on further to degrade me based on the fact that I have German ethnicity.  Hate is alive and well.

I grew up in a mostly white town.  My best friend in High school was black and we were friends because he was a great guy and we had fun together.  After I graduated High School, my sisters and I befriended Gary.  His Mother was openly gay and living with a woman at a time when it was not cool at all…..in fact, it was horrifying to most people.  My sister’s and I took it in stride.  Gary and I remained friends until he died suddenly at the age of 43.  He came out to us when he was 30.  Our response was, “Um, yeah Gar…we already knew that”.  He was floored.  Even with an openly Lesbian Mother, he still felt he had to hide who he was.   The fact that we always knew, and still loved him anyway, created an amazing bond between us.  I miss him so bad.

This country has serious problems.  It seems the “melting pot’ we all learned this country was in elementary school has boiled over and become a huge mess.  When I say I can’t imagine treating someone differently based on their race, sexual orientation, gender, or religion, I am not kidding.  The things I see happening trouble me.  This country has more of an “us against them”,  attitude that couldn’t possibly end well.  I see it every day.  Our young people are growing up surrounded by this.  It’s either hate or be hated.  We have all seen the tragic results of being the hated.  We see it in the news every day.  Sometimes I feel like the hatred has taken on a life of its own in our society.  How do you stop something like that…something that has become so powerful?

The blame game isn’t working.  It seems to only fuel the flames.  For me  to hate all white men based on that Facebook exchange where I was called a Nazi AND a bitch seem ludicrous.  That guy was an idiot standing alone.  He obviously has some deep emotional pain that caused him to call me, someone he has never met, those things.  If I were robbed by an Irish guy, I wouldn’t go on to hate all Irish people. I have been called a Nazi more times than I can count, been told I must drink a lot because I am Irish more times than I can count, and been called a fucking Kracker by one of my patients who was angry for a reason unrelated to me.  I am not even going to get started on my treatment based on the fact that I am a woman.   None of this makes any sense to me.  It breaks my heart, if anything.

I just see things getting worse.  The media is making millions fueling the flames.  The white man good old boys club wins again because that’s who owns the American media.  They are laughing all the way to the bank.  They intentionally sensationalize racism to make money.  Now, I am not saying it doesn’t exist and that there are not severe problems with racism in America but, creating a greater divide isn’t helping.  People hating me because of the color of my skin is now a reality for me.  How does that fix anything?

People do need to be called out on their bad behavior.  We have to get our black men out of our prisons and give them hope for an education and a better life.  We have to support single parents of all races so that their children can go on to become educated.  We have to overhaul our education system so that it isn’t only catering to the privileged.  We have to stop turning our backs on our LGBT teens and stand beside them and give them a safe world to live in.  That is just the beginning of the list.

So, shut off CNN and go out there and just be good to one another.  It’s a start.  Every single one of us deserves the right to feel safe and to be themselves.  Every single one of us deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Hate just isn’t going to fix this.

Racism in America

This video CANNOT be shared enough!!!

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I was nominated for this award by the courageous Betternotbroken and I thank you, my Dear, from the bottom of my heart.  You ARE a true inspiration!!

http://betternotbroken.com/2015/04/09/happy-to-be-nominated-and-even-happier-to-pass-on-the-love-a-very-inspiring-blogger-award/

Three things that INSPIRED me this week-

1. I have a duck couple in my backyard stream and will be thrilled to observe a group of tiny ducklings following mommy around learning about life and how to survive…Motherhood is amazing!

2. I have a somewhat rocky relationship with my Mom but, called her twice this week just to say hi and i think it made her broken heart feel a little better,,,I will write a blog soon about that relationship.

3. My BEAUTIFUL children inspire me constantly!

I can only hope that my words inspire someone out there.  I have been through a lot of very difficult times and always seem to land on my feet…..life always seems to get better!

All of these blogs are well worth following…..they will make you laugh, learn and cry…follow them!!

I nominate-

Ritu because she is a beautiful human being and has so much to offer this world….her posts always leave me with a smile on my face!

https://butismileanyway.wordpress.com/

Dr Michael Langan for his tireless work in helping others….I know you won’t respond…I just wanted to let you know!

http://disruptedphysician.com/

This woman for making it through some pretty tough times and having the courage to write about it in an honest, open way (and she swears a a lot so that’s a plus in my book lol)

http://eerilycheerily.com/

Mark….an amazing writer and always has an encouraging comment for me-

http://markbialcak.com/

For her tireless education and exposure of the broken medical system we all have to deal with at one point or another.

https://painkills2.wordpress.com/

Being Different is a Good Thing!

Angelina Jolie sends an amazing and important message to kids at the 2015 Kid’s Choice Awards!!

Personally, I encourage my children to be themselves, never to follow the masses, think for themselves, and love themselves for who they are.  The most amazing people in history were considered to be different.  A beautiful mind, is a mind free from the constraints of what society believes is ‘normal’.

Police Officers, Doctors, Airline Pilots, Firefighters, and Nurses

What do all those professions have in common?  They help people.  They keep people safe.  Many times, when everyone else is running the other way, they are running towards those who need help.  They are among the bravest, most selfless professions known to man.  Lay people sometimes have no idea the personal sacrifice involved in entering and becoming effective in these professions.  The only reward is that you may have helped someone.  You may have made someone’s life easier.

These professions define who you are.  They are held in reverence by those who hold them.  That piece of paper, your license, holds more meaning, than anyone who doesn’t have one, could ever begin to understand.  Losing it is like losing a big part of yourself.   Imagine that part of who you are is being dangled over your head or living in constant fear of losing it.  Losing a part of you in the blink of an eye.  That is what happens to a substance impaired worker in a helping profession.  We are taught to treat our patients and the public with respect and kindness but, when it is one of us, all of that goes out the window and we are treated harshly and without regard to our own personal safety.  Who in their right mind would self report if they knew that was going to be the result…years of emotional torment.

The fact of the matter is that we are all human.  We all experience loss, betrayal, pain, grief, and so much more.  We all have moments in life where we fall apart…where stress gets the best of us….we experience depression, anxiety, and drug and alcohol abuse.  Society excuses most professions when substance abuse becomes an issue, in order to get the help they need with little or no questions.  Except when you are, a Police Officer, Doctor, Airline Pilot, Firefighter, and Nurse.  I will used alcohol abuse as an example.  The accountant comes to work drunk.  In most cases, he is given the option of treatment and if he takes the option and successfully completes rehabilitation, can return to work without severe ramifications….after all, he is only human.  Now, I will tell you what happens to the, “the helping professions”.

Police officer comes to work drunk

He is most often fired.  Sometimes arrested.  Generally, blacklisted and unable to get another job as a police officer.  Public humiliation comes in the form of calling the local news agency and tipping them off (they have the discretion not to do this).  Their pride at being a Police officer gone in a second….the shame weighing on them is too much for any one person to carry.  Their Badge and gun taken from them…..that has to be the most gut wrenching feeling.  To walk away without something that defines you at such a deep level.  There is little thought of their own personal safety.

Nurse comes to work drunk

In most cases the Nurse is fired and then has to fight for her licence and is then at the mercy of poorly trained people to oversee their recovery.  They are mocked and degraded by those who oversee their recover, their bosses and coworkers (if they are lucky enough to find another job) and the whole thing is put online for anyone to google.  Some are arrested against the advice of the Department of Public Health.  Public humiliation.  Most suffer from PTSD…not from the alcohol or drug abuse but, from the abuse and humiliation showered on them after they are caught under the influence…long after they stop using the drugs.  Actually, it follows you until you are old and grey and stop renewing your license or if you die.  On a personal level I have, as an experiment, applied for hundreds of jobs.  I have incredible experience as a Nurse and used to be sought after for jobs.  Now, the prospective employer looks up my license and never even bothers to call me.  They don’t even bother to understand my side of the story….it is discrimination at its best.

Firefighter comes to work drunk  

Read Police officer  story above.  Firefighters are generally treated better except in cases of relapse or getting into a drunk driving accident.  Those things are unforgivable offenses.  They are left with nothing.  The profession they love gone in a heartbeat with no hope of redemption.  The greatest source of pride stripped from them.  The brotherhood of firefighters stands beside them but, the administration does not.

Doctor comes to work drunk

News spreads quickly through the entire hospital.  Said Doctor, is asked to leave and not come back pending an internal investigation.  Little or no help or human kindness are offered.  The News reporters are called under the guise of protecting the public from this , “Monster”.  Public humiliation.  The Doctor is put into a program hand-picked by the Department of Public Health (much the same as nurses are) and left at the mercy of ill-trained, ill-intentioned power-hungry animals with anything but the Physicians best interest at heart.  Their pride is ripped from them by one single moment.  Countless physicians have committed suicide unable to withstand being abandoned by their colleagues and their profession….unable to withstand the shame.

Airline Pilot comes to work drunk

He is arrested at the gate.  The News agencies are called and they do anything they can to sensationalize it.  Extreme public humiliation.The pilot is put into a program and grounded for no less than a year.  They lose friends, loved ones, material possessions and their pride.  They now not only have to deal with recovery, they have to deal with criminal charges.  They have to fight and fight to get reinstated long after they have done all they need to do to recover.

Doing the hard work to obtain a license in any of these professions requires immeasurable dedication and skill.  That license becomes vitally important and intensely linked to who you are as a person.  It is a source of pride.  Falling into the grasp of drug or alcohol addiction and having that license put into jeopardy is the most horrific feeling in the world.  I know this from personal experience.  The humiliating way in which ‘recovery’ is structured within these professions is worse than the addiction itself.   The shame brings you to a low in depression you never thought possible.  Suicide and suicidal thoughts are common.  The burden placed on the ‘helping professions’ is enormous.  Meanwhile, the accountant is allowed to deal with their issues in privacy.

Some of you may disagree with what I have said here but, keep this in mind.  One in ten of us will fall victim to alcoholism or addiction.  The only thing worse than an impaired caregiver getting caught and treated, is the impaired caregiver who is so afraid to get caught because of the extremely punitive nature of the treatment and public humiliation they will receive, that they don’t go forward voluntarily to get the help that they need and go on to hurt the very people they vowed to help.  A caregiver should not go on to suffer from PTSD from the treatment they received for substance abuse at the hands of the department of public health or the department of public safety.

We know enough about addiction to do things better for our caregivers.  It’s a matter of public safety.  If an impaired caregiver goes undetected then the lives of those they care for could potentially be in danger.  The life of the caregiver could be in danger.  It serves no purpose to treat our caregivers like criminals and degrade and demean them for the disease of addiction. It puts them at risk of suicide.   It’s a matter of treating our caregivers the same way we are expected to treat our patients….with kindness, love, understanding, and dignity.

Addiction From the Perspective of a Nurse

In all the years I have been a Nurse, I have treated every age group from newborn to the elderly.  I have treated people with just about any disease or injury you can think of.  I have treated many people suffering from the disease of addiction.  Those people came from every age group and socioeconomic standing.  I learned early on that it is not a disease that discriminates.  It is estimated that roughly 10% of the population is suffering from addiction.  There is not one person alive who can say that addiction has not touched their lives in one way or another.

Early on in my career I was working in an Emergency Department.  The triage Nurse was admitting a woman who was complaining of severe leg pain.  The triage nurse decided based on nothing except that the woman was complaining of pain, that she was drug seeking.  She came back onto the unit rolling her eyes and telling us of her encounter with the woman.  I heard the woman yell out so, I went to assist her.  I found her on the floor crying in pain.  I put her in a wheelchair and took her back to a room and got her a Doctor.  He was a compassionate man so he began examining her right away.  I had other patients so, we met up to discuss her after his exam.  It turns out she was suffering from Guillian Barre.  Her pain was real and her diagnosis was very serious.  I remember that triage nurse would not meet my eyes upon finding out that she was wrong about this patient.  Trust me, she felt my eyes burning through her.  I was enraged that she would judge someone and dismiss them as a drug seeker and completely miss their true diagnosis potentially causing them harm.

Fast forward to about a year ago.  I have a patient who is a long-term heroin user.  She was then 50 years old and introduced to heroin at 17 by her then boyfriend.  I knew her for 8 years.  Over the years, her health was ravaged by years of drug abuse.  She was in constant pain but, her beautiful blue eyes would light up every time she saw me. She never spoke much to me of her history of drug abuse.   She knew I accepted her and saw who she really was.  She trusted me but, the shame she felt overwhelmed her.  That she trusted me meant the world to me.  I saw a gentle spirit.  A loving daughter.  With all that she had endured in the time I knew her, she always asked about my kids and had a smile for me.  She often told me that she loved me.  I got to know her parents and they took care of her with so much love.  She was Daddy’s little girl.

One day she came in and was crying.  Huge tears fell from her eyes.  Those eyes pleading me to help her.  In all the years I had known her I had never seen her cry so I knew something was very wrong.  I asked her and she told me she was in excruciating pain in her right foot.  She was seeing a Doctor about the pain but, suddenly it had gotten worse.  This was a Friday, so I made a call to that Doctors office to ask that her pain medication dosage be increased.  The response that I got floored me.  The Nurse said no because of her history of substance abuse, judgment tainting her voice.  Even after I explained that I knew her well and this was not drug seeking they refused.  I called another Doctor who was caring for her and got the same response.  I frantically tried to get someone to listen to me but, the answer was always the same.  They assumed she was drug seeking.  I then called her Mother and told her to bring her to the Emergency Room in hopes that they would take action and admit her for intractable pain.  I was honest with her Mother about the roadblocks I had encountered in trying to get her help and apologized.  She told me that she knew what people thought of her daughter, the heroin addict.

On Monday, when I came into work I looked into what had transpired in the Emergency Room and found out she was admitted to a surgical floor.  She was scheduled for a right below the knee amputation that morning.  The circulation in her leg was so bad that they had no choice than to amputate.  Gangrene had set in.  Her pain was real.  I was furious that because she had a history of addiction her diagnosis was being missed.  If I had not listened, and then fought so hard to get someone to listen she would had suffered enormously over the weekend.  Her Mother called and thanked me. and we cried together.

When she came back to me after her amputation she thanked me.  She then went on to complain that it pissed her off that if she were to have the desire to buy new shoes that she would have to pay for two shoes.  I just looked at her and we both burst into a fit of laughter.  That was my girl.

Six months after her amputation her health had worsened.  I was very involved with helping her Mother make the decision to put her in hospice.  The last thing she said to me before she died was, “Awww, Trish…I love you”.

There are so many misconceptions about addiction.  The predominant misconception is that addiction is fun…that the person is making a choice to get high and doesn’t care about anyone or anything but themselves.  There comes a point in drug abuse when all your choices are taken away from you.  Addiction changes the chemistry of your brain.  This has been scientifically proven.  The addict is not using drugs because they don’t love you.  They are using drugs because their body has become physiologically dependent on them and not using the drugs makes them feel sick.  There is no fun in that.  It is not a party anymore.

There is not an addict alive, who in a moment of clarity, enjoys the path their life has taken.  They feel horrible.  The emotional pain they feel is beyond anything that most people ever experience.  Addict are despised by society.  They are shunned.  They fill our prisons because of the misguided idea that if they are punished they will stop.  Treatment is difficult to find and most time insufficient.  When someone would walk into the emergency room because they had made the decision to get help they would often be given a list of phone numbers and sent on their way.  I’m pretty sure that rarely worked out well.  If they had been taken in and placed in a treatment program immediately I have to believe the outcome would have been better.

Things have to change.  We can’t keep doing what we are doing in the treatment of addiction because it is not working.  The shaming and judging have to stop.  If you were to encounter a diabetic with a double lower extremity amputation would you tell them that because they did not eat properly and take their medications that they got what they deserved and knock their wheelchair over?  I doubt anyone would ever do that but, that is what you are doing every time you shame and judge an addict.  You are knocking them over.  You are kicking someone when they are down.  Addiction is just as much a disease as diabetes is according to the World Health Organization and the American Medical Association.

I was having a conversation with some coworkers a few months ago.  They were discussing an addict and even with their education, they were speaking of this person in a derogatory manner.  I was the only voice in the room telling them that they needed to keep their erroneous beliefs to themselves because you never know who in that room was dealing with  addiction somewhere in their lives.  I became rather passionate in my argument but, got through to none of them.  When I walked out of the room another co-worker stopped me.  He told me he heard what I said and with tears in his eyes thanked me.  He explained to me that his older brother had become addicted to heroin and had died of an overdose.  He told me one thing people don’t understand is that an addict is a person.  An addict is a Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, or child of someone.  They are loved by someone.

I will not stop fighting for my addicts.  I will not stop trying to educate people so lost in their ignorance.  If this makes one person rethink how they view addiction, I have won.  I will never stop trying to fight the battle for those who are not able to fight it themselves.

I am a Nurse.