Eight years ago, I moved into a house in the town where my children had been going to school their entire lives. When I moved in the landlord said he was planning on selling the house in 12 years. I thought that was great because my children would graduate High school and after that it didn’t really matter where we lived. We got a rescue dog and settled in. About 3 years into it living there, the landlord started telling me he was going to sell the house. He would flip-flop between selling and not selling on a weekly basis. He was also stealing electricity from me for 8 years to supply a bay of 6 garages that he rented out but, I stayed because there were no other options in my town. The bathroom floor was rotted out so, the bathroom was literally falling into the basement…that was scary. This stressed me out enormously because, the town I live in is almost 100% single family homes that are in the $400,000 plus price range so finding another place seemed nearly impossible. The last month we were in the house the downstairs of the house had little heat and would only get up to 50 degrees at night and the landlord refused to fix it. He simply told me that there was only another month or so of cold weather and to deal with it. I eventually called the health department and boy did that piss him off. He sent me notice to vacate the house.
The other stressful thing that was going on was that my children did not see their father anymore. What was supposed to be shared custody, was now me having full custody for the last eight years. I wanted to take him back to court to increase child support because I was in desperate need of money since I was providing 100% of their care and the child support was based on shared custody. If I brought him back to court and then had to move out-of-town because my landlord sold the house they would have to change schools…something I was trying to avoid at all cost. If the school found out they were living in another town and that I had full custody they would literally arrest me for sending them to their old school. This is common practice in Connecticut….to arrest parents for sending their children to a school system in a different town than where they lived.
So, I was living with less financial support than my kids deserved and just waiting for my landlord to tell me he was selling. It got to the point where the sight of him sent me into a panic. The thought of making my children change schools killed me. The school system they are in is amazing. They had already lost so much in their lives so, losing their friends and the life they had built would break my heart into a million pieces. I was stuck under both their thumbs…my ex-husband and my landlord. I was stuck like this for five years.
My Landlord broke it to me last October that I had to be out of the house by June. My biggest fear realized. Then in November my Ex-Husband stopped paying support for my son who turned 18 in November but, was still living with me full-time and attending college full-time. He then told me he was going to claim the kids on his taxes even though he literally spent a total of 2 hours with them in the previous year. I told him I would take him to court. He didn’t believe I would and kept on with the threats until one day I had enough. He was served by the Marshall on December 23….Merry Fucking Christmas deadbeat Dad.
Court was very stressful. I didn’t have a lawyer but, Mr. “I am so broke”, walked in with his beautifully tailored suit and Lawyer in tow. We went into the mediators office first. Mistake number one was when his Lawyer began with this one sentence “You have been keeping him from his kids”. My mind went into a rage. This was a flat-out lie. I know a lot of parents do this to each other but, I was not one of them. I had done everything I could possibly do to facilitate a relationship between my children and their Father…he just wasn’t interested…he flat out didn’t care. My head was reeling that someone could walk into a courthouse and lie like that. Then his Lawyer told me that my ex and I never had a verbal agreement that I would claim both kids on my taxes because I was providing more than 50% of their care. Another lie. I looked straight at my ex and said, “So, this is how this is going down? You are going into a courtroom, in front of a judge, and you are going to lie”. The color left his face. I was enraged. Slowly, my mind began to work again. You see, when he decided not to be a Father anymore I brought my kids to counseling to help them deal with it. The counselor urged him many times to attend counseling to no avail. It was all on record. Legal documents. I had him. If the judge saw that he was lying about me blocking his access to my children then she would not believe that for four years, I claimed both kids on my taxes and he didn’t notice. The lie that we did not have a verbal agreement would be revealed.
I then told his Lawyer that I would love to go to trial. He looked at me perplexed. I was supposed to be an intimidated, shrinking violet. He had clearly lost control of the situation. He ushered my Ex out of the room. When they came back, they agreed not to go back for the tax money from me claiming both kids but, he still wanted to claim one. I said No. they talked. I kept saying no. I stood my ground. Finally they gave up. I even got my Daughter’s child support increased. I went in there without a Lawyer and still won what was best for my children. I actually, think I was better off without a Lawyer. Persistence.
With that battle over the next worry was a place to live. I began looking as soon as my tax return hit my bank account. It was discouraging. I found one house for rent for $6000 a month!! I kept looking and ran across a house in my price range. I called and he had already found someone to rent to. I kept looking but, on a whim I called him back a couple of weeks later. He told me the deal fell through and I made arrangements to see the house. It is an over-sized Cape in a great area. I told him right then and there I would write him a check and signed a lease the next day. We moved seven days later and I am in love with the new place and best of all my daughter will graduate with her friends. Persistence.
I can breathe now. I am not under anyone’s thumb. I feel free. I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. If it were not for the pit bull I turn into in regard for my children’s well-being we would not be in the beautiful position that we are. I am one bad ass single Mother.
10 Years a Single Mom 